What’s Good

 

 

It’s been a little while since an update so here goes (and where to start??).  I believe in my last post I had mentioned how I would be soon starting to work for a new dog walking company.  Due to my work related injury (all the way back last December!), this plan got scratched.  In the end, it is so obviously for the best it would have been a committed Mon.-Fri. day job, which would make it difficult to do films, have day rehearsals, and go on many auditions, and many other necessities towards my acting career.  What I WILL be doing instead is freelance babysitting, cat sitting, background work, and doing freelance errands.  I have taken actions towards all of these and have plans and appointments laid out for the weeks ahead, and am excited about doing work I enjoy that also gives me the complete flexibility needed to continue building my acting career.  I won’t be going back to waiting tables as I am physically unable, but even if that were a current possibility, I wouldn’t as I don’t want to ever risk this type of injury through that work again. It has been a LONG 5 months of recovery;  I’ve been going to PT consistently since February, and my physical therapist is GREAT (wonderful positive energy), but quite frankly I’m over it!  I have an appointment with my orthopedic surgeon on the 14th, so I’ll give a further update after that.  I am certainly not bed ridden (by any stretch of the imagination); it’s that certain actions (lifting, carrying, specific range of motion) will still bring pain after a short period of use (or sometimes immediately).  So I keep doing my PT sessions, at home stretches, etc, but I have long mentally and physically moved on to “OK, what can I do with where I am at now.”

 

 

Speaking of, my classes have or are coming to an end (one more Alexander Technique class left for the quarter).  My monologue audition class was fantastic in so many ways, not just with the technique but even more importantly in the details that most don’t think about.  How you walk in the room, when do you say hello, how do you close the door, how you smile, don’t step back at the end when saying “thank you,” etc.  My classmates were/are AWESOME, and with some I have joined a weekly rehearsal group to meet with so that we can get feedback on what we are currently working on, which is SO HELPFUL–and  I especially love supporting these truly wonderful new friends of mine in the same way.  While the class was still in session, it required a fairly large time commitment and so I was selective about what I was submitting for (castings wise).  Now, however, I’m submitting for any and all that I could possibly fit for and interests me, as is Jack.  Last Sunday was particularly great because Jack and I both had 3 auditions each (all of mine were theatre based and his were all film based).  It looks likely that Jack will be doing one of the films, in which case he will be shooting on location in New Jersey for 4 days in June.  One of my auditions  granted me membership into their theatre company, which  does consistent work year round (full plays and one acts, etc); looking forward to working with them and learning a lot!  Jack has also been going on EPAs, which haven’t given him a chance to audition yet, but he is persistent.

 

 

My plan is to join Jack in going to EPAs as soon as I update my headshots;  I asked the advice of an off-Broadway casting director that I know, and they are truly in DIRE need of updating since they just don’t look like I do now.  I want my first impression at the EPAs to be that of a professional who takes my work seriously, thus the waiting until I have the new headshots.  My “official” goal is to have them by September 15th, although I’ve already gotten the ball rolling so it is likely I will have them much sooner.  As they are pretty costly, I am gathering a list of those that are recommended and whose work I like, then setting up appointments for consultations/interviews before making my decision.

 

 

Let’s see, what else??…the steriods I was on for my herniated disc added a nice (not-so-nice) sack of potatoes weight to my body, so I am working out on a regular basis now.  Regular means at least 5 times a week at the gym, and on non-gym days, at least a 30 minute walk. At the gym I am only doing the elliptical as it provides a good cardio workout but is also low-impact on my body and so doesn’t effect herniated disc.  The Alexander Technique work I’ve been doing has helped a LOT in this regard, too, because I am constantly checking in with my body:  where am I touching the earth, am I holding my breath, is there any tension in my body, where is the back of my head (critical for me as it helps me to allow it to go back rather than forward, which puts strain on my neck and shoulders); release, soften, head up an out, etc.  The exercise has been GREAT for my spirit and daily perspective.  Jack and I are both focusing on eating *mostly* vegetarian (he has actually swayed this way by no prompting by me), although there have been a few rare exceptions but only with “organic, humanely raised (MOST important!), properly fed, hormone and antibiotic free” eggs and beef.  Mainly dark green leafy vegetables and multi-colored produce remains the goal.

 

 

We are currently in our last three months in this apartment!  Seems strange although I am READY for us to finally have our OWN place, where we will not move again for quite a while.  I’m ready to paint and decorate and build our own home.  We will stay in Astoria although we are flexible as to what exact street/area.  I would kind of prefer Ditmars as it seems a bit quieter, plus the trains are always running there (whereas there has been a lot of construction and rerouting at our current stop).   I’ve been periodically keeping a lookout, although we won’t start seriously looking until probably the middle of June.  We would LIKE to avoid using a broker, but are not limiting ourselves to owner-rented only, as we have pretty specific desires for what we want and thus want to have access to all of the options possible.

 

 

Alright, that’s the update!  Kind of an informal post (I’m not going to go back to reread and edit), but it’s been a while so I wanted to just get it out.   Maybe for June I will do another 30 day challenge where I post at least once a day…the last time I did that in January, it really inspired me and evoked a lot of big changes and positive action that were REALLY good for me and my life.:)

 

 

OK I will send you off with a couple of pictures from Jack’s 46th birthday dinner in April!  We ate at this beautiful little place called Locale in Astoria.  Amazingly delicious food and surprisingly inexpensive (another good reason to live in Astoria!).

 

 

PS–I lied, I had to edit (or actually add to) this post!  I completely forgot to share about the theatre AWESOMENESS that I have been so blessed to see lately!  First, we saw War Horse the day after Jack’s birthday (it was a gift that I had bought tickets for back in December).  The crazy thing about that show was that I bought first row mezzanine…like that is what I specifically selected and paid for.  I don’t know what the heck happened, but we ended up in our own personal row, FIRST row (as in FIRST first) center!!!! We literally had THE best seats in the entire theatre (even one of the ushers commented on it).   I cannot do this show justice by even attempting to give it a review, so I will just say that it was worth EVERY single penny.  I also get offers for free shows when I am registered at ESPA, and so I got to see Primary Stages, “Morini Strad,” “Jesus Christ Superstar” at the Neil Simon Theatre, and Second Stage’s, “Lonely I’m Not” thanks to ESPA.  My absolute favorite out of all of those (that I just saw last night in fact) was “Lonely I’m Not.”  I’m so impressed and inspired with everything that I’ve seen Second Stage put up.  In addition to being a member of TDF (through which I can get discount tickets), a lot of my acting friends have been sharing other resources, one of which gets me tickets almost for free.  Thanks to this particularly awesome resource, I got to see Tennessee Williams, “In Masks Outrageous and Austere” at the Culture Project in the Village.  Only in NYC can I see 3 shows in one week for almost nothing, one of them being a Tennessee Williams world premiere!  How incredible is my life!  Not only that, but my seats for both “In Masks” and “Lonely I’m Not” were BOTH 2nd row!!!  Hot damn, knock on wood, I’ve got some serious theater seat karma lately…maybe I should play the lottery!

Happy Birthday, Jackie!

My incredible pasta dinner–that’s a beet sauce!

Dylan says, “Chow!”

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shoulder update

I started PT last week for my shoulder/neck injury, of which (as stated in my last post), I was terrified.  Turns out it’s actually totally freaking absolutely awesome in just about every sense of the word.  Mostly because they are not yet making me do that ugly word (re: exercise), but rather I go in for an hour, get these ginormous body heating pads placed on and around me.   After I’m all warmed up,  my physical therapist comes in and pulls my neck in weird ways and directions (aka, traction) which feels AMAZING on my entire spine, then works on pressure points that make my mind temporarily want to explode, but then is followed by such incredible relief it’s unbelievable.  Through these sessions I’ve learned just how much pain I have been and tend to tolerate, which is sadly a lot.  I had no idea until he started working on these points exactly how much pain I was carrying around, but I’m pretty sure it’s enough to make even a heartless soul like Michelle Bachman cry.

I also had my first (of two) MRIs last Friday afternoon, this one being for my shoulder.  Apparently workman’s comp has bureaucratic rules that make complete and total sense, like not paying for two MRI’s in one day, so I get to enjoy this awesome experience again on Thursday.  And this time when I say awesome, I mean the worst way ever to spend 30 minutes in the history of spending 30 minutes.  If you’ve read earlier posts, you may recall my high sensitivity to things like sounds, and let me just tell you that the sounds that the MRI machine makes is quite possible numero uno.  I was doing okay until the last 10 minutes or so, when suddenly the sound became this pulsating repetitive WHA-WHA-WHA that quite literally made me question had I died and gone to hell and this was it and how I would be spending eternity.  I came “this close” to slipping off the deep end into the joy that is the anxiety attack (re: NOT joy), but somehow managed to talk myself off of the ledge and hang out until the muddy waters passed.  This equivalent of Chinese water torture did finally conclude  and I realized I wasn’t, at least for the moment, doomed to eternal insanity.  I will get the results of this MRI (for the shoulder) when I go in on Thursday for the the same fun test of my neck.  Seriously considering taking a Xanax for that one.

That’s about it regarding the shoulder/neck injury update.  Just continuing PT and at-home stretches I have been given, as well as pain meds as needed.  Due to sensitivity, I have a hard time with the meds as well.   While many people would be like hellyesVICODIN, I have to take a half pill at a time and then wait a while to take the other half (if at all).  I was prescribed a new anti-inflammatory last week called Indomethacin  which very quickly became an ABSOLUTELYNOT with the side effects (fun stuff like dizziness, racing mind, nausea).  I see my orthopedic surgeon again on March 5th (I would see him next Monday but his office is closed for the holiday and the following Monday I will be in Arizona visiting family), although I should have at least some feedback regarding my MRIs before then.  Despite all of this slow moving and somewhat torturous progress, I do feel like I am moving in the right direction towards health.

 

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the morning after

Monday night I spent some time on FaceBook, going through and making sure that I had necessary personal contact information recorded, birthdays written down, and had answered all of the messages that were still waiting for my in my FB in-box.  Then I deleted all pertinent information (which probably doesn’t protect my personal information in any way, but for some reason still felt good and right, as though I was enacting some sort of cord-cutting ceremony), and then with somewhat unsettling easiness, clicked the appropriate button to permanently delete the account.  When you do this, you are given two weeks, of during if you log in, permanent deletion is reversed (and you start all over).  This, I know, won’t be happening.  On Saturday, as I was in preparations for the departure (which were, oddly and honestly, a lot more than one might think), I wrote the following  to a dear friend and fellow The-Artist-Way-er regarding my thoughts and experience of the decision (back story–I previously deleted a many-years-long FB account in May of 2010 when taking her The Artist’s Way class in Seattle during Week 4 aka Reading Deprivation Week) :

 

 

I am suddenly coming back to that place, but it’s new or deeper or more experienced…than I was at when I took your TAW (The Artist’s Way) class in 2010 when, after reading deprivation week, I really woke up to how I had not been awake, and made the decision to get rid of my smart phone and facebook etc.  I can look back now and see how SO present I was in my life after that and how things suddenly began moving in such a clear direction and swiftly (so much more swiftly than I think I was prepared for).  That was such a huge gift that I got from the class and I am so grateful to be able to recognize that feeling and understanding that is happening again now (that I had somehow lost when I got back on FB later that fall…how that felt I mean, and the clarity of direction and full trust).   When I moved to NYC, I had conviction, but looking back I don’t think I realized at the time, when I arrived here, how scared I was.  I had not prepared myself to be “lost” (refering to “A Field Guide to Getting Lost” which I just started reading yesterday, *synchronicity*) and to let that be an okay place to be.  I look back and see that I felt literally lost, like I had no bearings and I didn’t know how to get them (I didn’t even know where to get a 4 pack of toilet paper that didn’t cost $5), and instead of letting that be an okay place for me to be, I eventually starting swimming again for the shore.  When we moved out here I took this massive step, not a baby step (like Julia Cameron recommends), which wasn’t the wrong thing to do…I just didn’t prepare myself with enough of an anchor within myself (and missed the fact that I needed to do so) before “heading out to sea.”  So I reached out for my old anchors, which I’m grateful were there (for sure otherwise, I might have drowned), but now I’ve realized I have and can count on my own.  And I can still enjoy and appreciate and visit with all of the other “boats” out there (that have been so conveniently gathered on FB for me as one giant anchor) whenever I want, and despite The Man professing otherwise, I don’t have to stay in the port to do so, and I will get to experience and discover a lot more “sea” if I undo the knot of the rope that keeps me there.

Yesterday was an uncomfortable day as I would say withdrawals reared up knowing I am cutting the cord and standing my ground in not getting pulled in to distractions.  That place, like at the beginning of reading deprivation week, were one tends to be  and wants to go to the habits, but since they can’t they are sort of in limbo with not knowing what to do.  This morning I woke up with “That Feeling” that I immediately recognized again from when I took your class and this beautiful new found refreshing and glorious hope that I had not seen in quite some time.

 

 

So this is where I am.  Some anxiousness exists in not going to the habit, not unlike when I quit smoking cigarettes, still feeling pulled towards the comforting physical feeling of the action.  Also somewhat still in that in-between space where at times I find myself twiddling my thumbs,  that place of change that feels good and healthy and right, but is still unknown and unfamiliar because it is not where I am used to being.  (Re)Learning to be there and to allow myself to fully dive in and enjoy.

 

In other news, I had an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon this past Monday.  Very unexpected to me, he said I needed to be excused from work until at least April 6.  Apparently I also have a herniated disc in my neck, as well as some other thing(s) going on in my arm that I didn’t really fully understand.  The good news is the sling is not necessary anymore as it has helped my healing progress as much as it can to this point.  This is good news primarily because it has been a huge source of frustration, with me throwing private mini (or not so mini, and sometimes not so private) tantrums in my attempt to complete simple tasks with one arm.   I begin physical therapy today, which I am terrified of, and feel unsure that this is even a good idea before my MRI (of which I have an appointment for next Monday).  But I am choosing to be trusting and moving forward, and have forgo any thoughts of even considering new or different or any employment (my workman’s comp has been severely insufficient and I have a big fear of re-injury and/or further damage to my body by going back to waiting tables) until my treatment is complete.  So for now I am focusing solely on my healing, writing, acting and artistic work.

 

Regarding lovely synchronistic events, I’ve had some beautiful one-on-one connections since departing from Facebook, which is especially great since wanting such connections was a major motivating factor in the decision of my account deletion.  One was with Liz, an elderly woman with a bad hip, who lives on the top floor of our third-floor walk up.  She has two cats that look exactly like our cat Dylan (whose pictures she has taped to her front door donning Santa hats) and “hides” three additional cats,  that she rescued, in her apartment.  As it turns out we actually share a wall and she says she can sometimes hear Jack and I sweet-talking to our kitties.  When I apologized for the noise, she insisted that she likes it and that her kitties do, too.  She can barely, and definitely not swiftly, get up and down the stairs, but still drives out to Long Island City regularly to feed  a community of feral cats that she discovered and also creates for them makeshift shelter.  I’ve also had great conversations with the cashiers of my local Trade Fair grocery store on 30th Avenue, to the extent that it feels like old friends or (good) family.  Then just last night, Jack and I ventured out into our neighborhood (for the first time in a long time) and ended at this  beautiful, brick walled,  wood furntiture-ed,  candle lit, totally “New York”  bar called Sweet Afton.  There, we ended up in a fascinating conversation with the table next to us about our latest obsession, Breaking Bad.  The couple had been sitting at their table enjoying drinks and playing Scattegories when I heard him say that he was getting distracted and pulled in to our Breaking Bad conversation; I heard “Breaking Bad” and said, “what? Breaking Bad?” and that was the beginning of…well… the beginning.:)

 

Lastly, while out, Jack and I were talking about how much we love it here in Astoria.  There is this aura that is almost like West Seattle, except more alive with diversity, culture, and blue collar energy.  Astoria is so deeply embedded in its roots and yet still continuously evolves.  But not in the new ugly condo, corporate America kind of way, rather more like the old school, artistic, neighborhood folks kind of way.  I love the European cultural aspects, where people of all ages are out late at night on park  benches having conversations, and even on the coldest of winter days are still enjoying drinks, coffee, desserts, and good conversation at outside cafe tables, as if the outside temperatures are powerless.  I love the accents, the languages, the nuances in behaviors and communication, the abundance of ethnic foods, bakeries, mom-and-pop stores, affordable restaurants, actual trees, the both old-school and youthful feel,  and with all of this the still incredible ease and quickness of getting to and from the city.  Last night I asked Jack if we could live anywhere, with absolutely no regard to money, would he want to live in our favorite area(s) of Manhattan; and he said no, he would want to stay right here.  And I said, me too, even if I were ridiculously rich and/or even famous and could choose absolutely anywhere, I can’t imagine a better place to live.  So grateful for the synchronicity and Universal supply and support that led us to this truly magical place.

 

 

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