week 1 check-in

It’s actually been  more than a week, but here goes.  I have a lot to write about, or perhaps more accurately said, a lot brewing.  For tonight, though, I will keep this brief as Breaking Bad episodes, season 2 via Netflix are waiting (thank you dear sister for this new ADDICTION).  Normally it would still wait, but it’s Jack’s one day off this week, and while he knows I have self commitments I am wanting to stick to, I also want to capitalize on the time with him.:)

The 30 minutes exercise daily has been getting the least attention, definitely not by choice, as I’ve been pretty sick  this past week+ (and actually was ordered to have bed rest).   In addition to the “calcification” or whatevertheheck is trying to exit my body, I also woke up on Monday with an oh-joy cold/sore throat/sinus infection medley.  Doc says this is actually good as my body is trying to cleanse itself. Well cleanse away body. CLEANSE AWAY.

The daily creative writing has been mostly good….I did miss 2 days this week, but it was due to low energy level and how I was feeling those days health-wise.  Yesterday was one of them, which I also missed doing a blog post (the only day missed so far, however).  The writing I am LOVING and am fascinated by the themes that keep showing up (as well as what keeps showing up in my life to feed these themes): spirituality, religion, honne and tatemae, authenticity and/vs audacity, grace vs nature, ho’oponopono, shame, blocks, cleansing, release, lies, truth, etc.  As my goal was to have this daily writing prepare myself for work on my solo performance work (and beyond), I find these themes to be exciting and I am open and ready for what is to come.

Through my morning pages, meditation, and constructive rest, I am reflecting and opening to how this all relates to me personally as well as my life’s work.  The shoulder still has not healed and I have opened up to the possibility that it actually might not heal enough for me to return to restaurant work.  I’m not as stressed out about this as I was in the beginning, but rather continuing my work (along with my healing) and being open and actively inquisitive as to “ok, then, if not that then what’s next?”

I have stayed 100% vegan:  SUCCESS!  I have cooked up some pretty incredible vegan dishes this week, so keeping Jack happy in the process= double success.  Constructive rest has happened daily without fail, and I am really noticing the difference it is making in my body and my awareness (where I unconsciously have been holding tension, aka “protecting”).   There is a definite shift happening in my back and neck, and so I am completely motivated to keep this up and feeling all around pretty good about that.

Staying off Facebook and websites of the like has been easy (I did go on to  “exit the conversation” of a couple of mass emails (that I’m not able to participate in at this time, as I was constantly getting emails as a result).  While I do not miss the inundating myself with constant information that drowns out my own creative voice and/or using it as a huge mode of procrastination, I DO  greatly miss the connection with my family and friends.  This has become exponentially true with the isolation(even though I’ve still been in touch with many) of being at home so much to due to injury and illness.  There is one friend in particular that I think about daily as she is undergoing treatment for breast cancer, and has been very forthcoming in her moment to moment experience of it all via facebook.  Her status updates (and those of others like her) being trended would be a lot more beneficial to the spreading of true awareness of breast cancer and the likes than silly little hidden messages in status updates that really don’t mean or do jack shit (sorry but it’s true!).  I know that’s harsh, and I have a number of friends actually participating in this facebook status trend (which I know about from the emails until I logged in to drop out), but I feel like if people want to spread awareness, do it in a way that is real and deep and actually has some meaning and the potential to really impact and awaken people to something they don’t already know.  It’s not like breast cancer is some big secret.  We are all perfectly aware it’s there.  But my friend (who is undergoing treatment) and the sharing of her experience…now THAT’S some effective awareness spreading right there.  I’m just sayin’.

Ok, off soap box.  The only thing that truly got neglected this week was the working on my PATH. Oh wait, that is somewhat a lie…..I did buy a new 2012 planner.  I just didn’t do anything with it other than admire its newness and beauty.  So that is something for me to really look at  and think about why and how it can be approached differently.   We’ll see what new news I have to report about it next week.  To finish off, daily meditation and morning pages happened without issue (and I have found myself already lengthening my meditation time), as did my artist date (which is in my last blog post).  I am already aware of a pretty big shift happening in myself;  a slowing down to notice details so much more as I am doing things even mundane tasks, an increased calmness, a new sense of enjoyment of  even the smallest things.  I’m laughing a lot more, too.  This is good and is keeping me motivated and focused toward my daily tasks and I look forward to more and more and more.   As I wrote out today, every writing or meditation or creation of every kind doesn’t have to be golden.  It’s awesome when it is, but it’s obviously not always going to work out that way.  What’s important is the practice itself, showing up, and how you show up(and sometimes just saying “hey, I’m here okay” has to be enough, and that’s okay, too).  The rest will eventually somehow, in Its Own Way, start to work Itself out.

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Honne and Tatemae and Acting (and Art)

(Props to Wikipedia:)

“Honne (本音^?) refers to a person’s true feelings and desires. These may be contrary to what is expected by society or what is required according to one’s position and circumstances, and they are often kept hidden, except with one’s closest friends.

Tatemae (建前^?), literally “façade,” is the behavior and opinions one displays in public. Tatemae is what is expected by society and required according to one’s position and circumstances, and these may or may not match one’s honne.”

 

I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, an expert on these concepts and how they apply to the Japanese culture and life.  That there are actually Japanese words for these concepts and that there is an active awareness (and dare I even say, art) in the carrying out of these principles in their society through the practice of Shintoism, I find absolutely fascinating.

 

I’ve immersed myself in a bit of research on these ideas during the past few days, and could pursue a million different tangents.  The struggle of honne and tatemae exists within every culture and, I think it is safe to assume, every human being.  The more I contemplate this, the more I think it’s actually one of the major principles that makes us human.  We all have different faces/costumes/masks that we wear given the different company, environment and/or circumstances and, at least in Western culture, we intentionally work very hard (at least at an unconscious level) and for a myriad of different reasons (usually all well intended or for some higher purpose, at least from our own personal perspectives) to keep the fact that we are wearing said masks well hidden.  We are usually successful, although sometimes not, and it is usually something like a deepened friendship or a little alcohol that allows the honne to finally make its  escape.  To me what is so fascinating about these concepts and Japanese culture is that this all occurs out in the open.  A fantastic example is a story from this blog:

(kirai a geek in japan) http://www.kirainet.com/english/honne-and-tatemae/

“Another example would be when buying a ticket for some show and they are sold out. The sales clerk won’t answer directly saying “Tickets are sold out”, it is very probable that you will have to wait while he is looking at something in the computer, he will start putting weird faces and say “chotto” (a word that you will hear a lot if you come to Japan), he would even go to talk with his boss, etc. The final result, after making you lose your time there waiting, will be that he will say to you something like “It is very difficult to find available seats… chotto…”; that is the damn Tatemae in action.”

Honne and tatemae, at least from my understanding, are of primary importance in Japanese culture because in Shintoism it is of utmost virtue to keep harmony.  Shintoism, btw, (which literally means “Way of the Spirits”) I would not define so much as a religion as I would a spiritually philosophical way of life.  It is deeply imbedded in the day-to-day Japanese culture and is often simultaneously practiced with Buddhism. A great resource for more information on Shintoism can be found here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/shinto/

 

What I find curious is if this (often/usually) compassionate deception is out in the open and everybody knows it, is it really creating the desired harmony and/or saving face?  Difficult for me to know or truly understand the depths of these principles in practice since the Japanese culture is not my own world view and I’m not living it out, but it does make me think a lot about these ideas, how they are carried out in our culture and all of humanity, and the resulting differences (“benefits and detriments”) that take place from this practice being hidden versus out in the open. Interesting stuff!

 

Which brings me to what inspired this post to begin with (see, I went off on tangents anyway):  the concepts of honne and tatemae and how they intertwine and how they relate to acting (and Art) in my mind. (I am fully aware that I am approaching these concepts on a whole different level and direction than is on the surface definition, but it’s where my mind went, so there you have it).  All/most human beings experience the struggle between honne and tatemae (whether hidden or openly).  Not surprisingly, many of the Japanese dramas are centered around this dynamic.  As an actor, the goal and job is to Truthfully live out these struggles of the character under imaginary circumstances.  In order to do so fully and Truthfully, one (the actor, not the character) must be fully aligned with and allowing of their own honne and listening and responding from that place–MEANING, not fighting the tatemae of the character but rather letting one’s own (the actor’s) honne be completely free to react truthfully as the character in the moment, all the while having the honne and tatemae of the character fully in one’s being.  If the actor is at all letting his/her own personal tatemae emerge, it shows as self consciousness, manifesting as indicating, pushing, blocking, not being present, etc.  In other words, it’s fake and we aren’t buying it. But if the actor gets out of their own way and allows honne to express, then kami***/It moves:

“The archer ceases to be conscious of himself as the one who is engaged in hitting the bull’s-eye which confronts him.  This state of unconsciousness is realized only when, completely empty and rid of the self (jenn’s note: the cause of TATEMAE!!!), he becomes one with the perfecting of his technical skill though there is in it something of a quite different order which cannot be attained by any progressive study of the art.”  (Zen in the Art of Archery — Eugen Herrigel)

This is exactly, at least for me, why acting is so thrilling and freeing.  Not only do actors (and all artists) *get* to allow their honne to freely and fully express, but it’s actually their JOB.  THE GOAL.  The opportunities to act are the opportunities for moments of that absolute joy and freedom.  The price for this is the perfecting of the technical skill (the actor’s homework) so that honne, which is kami in action, can occur.  AKA:  Serious Play.

 

(***kami:  That Which Is Hidden)

 

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